Life Changes (March 2011-December 2011)

March 08, 2011
I walked through the doors of The University Hospital in Columbia, Missouri with a nervous smile and courage in my heart.  I laughed with Lisa and my Mom.  I triple checked my suitcase and tried to occupy my mind.  The minutes turned to hours and I said countless prayers.  I weighed in at 353 pounds and was prepped for surgery.  Lisa made me laugh by flirting with my Anesthesiologist.  She sure has a way of making my heart smile.  I hugged Lisa and my Mom and was wheeled back for surgery.  I remember feeling light and airy.  I wasn't nervous just ready.  People often ask if I was afraid of dying.  My answer is always the same.  Yes.  Death is a scary subject.  You have to keep in mind that I was slowly dying, anyway.  We all are.  I was afraid of leaving this earth with the chance of never experiencing the life I've dreamt about.  I will never be afraid to meet God.  "Fear Not.  For I am with you.  I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  (Isaiah 41:10)

Dr. De La Torre performed my life saving surgery in 45 minutes.  The 45 minute surgery has added YEARS to my life.  Saying "Thank You" to Dr. De La Torre and his team is just a drop in the bucket.  I am repaying them by living my best second life.  I refuse to waste a second of it.  I breathe it all in and love it all out.  

March flew by.  I was in the mist of my new life.  I followed the Doctor's orders and rested.  My diet mainly consisted of clear liquids and protein shakes.  I began working out, safely, just 10 days after surgery.  I wanted to and needed to.  I loved getting on the treadmill, turning on my music and just walking.  I felt with every pound I lost, I was shedding a layer of hurt, pain, and self hatred.  I was finding ways to love me and to "live" everyday.  I went from 353 pounds to 318 pounds.  I lost 35 pounds.  Yes, 35 pounds in a month.  I was beyond excited.  :)

April 2011 

I'll be honest, I wish I would have started this blog sooner.  I find it hard to remember every little detail when so much of my life was changing.  I've resorted to checking my old facebook status' as a reference to how things were going in my life.  April was an emotional month.  I was letting go of a girl that I had known for 34 years.  I began to get in touch with the "real" Leslie.  She was hiding under all those layers and I was beginning to scratch the surface to let her out. 

May 16, 2011

Today marked a major milestone in my life.  I was officially 100 pounds lighter.  I still remember the smile I had on my face and the tears that were streaming down my face.  My sister, Lisa, shared in my joy.  We laughed and cried together.  I couldn't wait to tell Bryan either.  He was excited for me.  He took me to the gym and had me pick up a 100 pound dumb bell.  I couldn't do it.  I do not see how I physically carried around that extra weight.  Changing physically and mentally is tough work.  You have to want it more than anything you've ever wanted.  

June 2011

I began to venture into the dating scene.  I learned a lot about myself during this time.  The first thing I learned was that I WAS NOT ready to date.  I believe in order to give love to someone else, you have to be full of love.  I just wasn't there yet.  The 21st of June I began personal training with Bryan Beanland.  Bryan is someone very special to me.  I will talk more about him in a future blog.  :)

July 05, 2011

Lisa, her daughters and I drove to St. Louis for the Do Life 5k Tour.  We were all excited to meet Ben Davis, other Do Lifers and to rock out this 5k.  If you don't know who Ben Davis is, you should.  Check out http://www.bendoeslife.com/ -- I hope he inspires you in the same way he has inspired me.  I will talk more about Ben in a future blog.  I'm just trying to play catch up and will get more detailed about my Do Life experience when I talk about Ben.  I even got a Do Life tattoo on my left wrist.  It's a special tattoo because of the meaning and because it's my first one.  My weight loss total was 118 pounds. 

August, September, October, November, and December 2011

August was filled with working out, losing inches but struggling with the scale budging.  I was finding more and more of the Leslie I wanted to become.  I was trying new exercises.  I wasn't so self concious and I was seeing results of all my hardwork paying off.  I was working through a workbook as well about "Learning to Love Yourself".  I was still struggling with a negative work environment and deciding what I was going to do about it.  I had been a 911 Dispatcher for Callaway County Sheriff's Department for 4 and half years.  I loved the job but could no longer stand the negative environment.  I decided to put in my two weeks notice and September 08, 2011 was my last day.  People told me that I was crazy but in the same breath they whispered they admired my courage.  I did not have another job to go to.  I had money in savings and I knew I would be getting $3,000 dollars from the retirement that I had paid in on.  I didn't care about the money.  I knew by doing something POSITIVE for myself that GOD would provide for me.  I was free.  I have never regretted leaving and never will.  I fully believe that GOD was leading me down the right path.  Guess what, he was.  I got a part time job at the YMCA in child watch.  I met wonderful new friends through child watch.  Audrey, Lili and Theresa are always encouraging me.  I love seeing them at the YMCA.  They are among some of my favorite people.  It didn't take long being in this new positive environment that I was promoted to Member Services.  I turned 35 on October 14, 2011.  I have to say it was the best birthday to date.  I spent it laughing til my sides hurt with Lisa.  I worked out hard and then had lunch with Bryan and Lisa.  I remember feeling amazing.  I was offically 140 pounds lighter and grinning from ear to ear.  I was loving my life and it was loving me right back.  

November and December flew by.  The holidays were wonderful.  I spent time with friends and family.  I found myself enjoying their company and not "hiding".  I feel at times like I've been reborn.  I sometimes wonder if that 8 year old girl is who I was meant to be now.  I'm a fighter.  She was a fighter too.  You are WORTH making positive changes in your life.  Do not be afraid to give yourself everything you've ever wanted in life.   

♥ leslie

Leslie's Story

Hi!  I'm Leslie.  I'm not even sure where to begin.  I will be the first to admit that my mind is spastic and random but I embrace it.  I think it adds to my charm.  This blog was created in hopes that you too, will begin living your life inspired, as I have started to do.  My story is a very personal one.  So, I'm standing here with my heart open wide and ready.  I'm ready to share all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I've spent the majority of my 35 years on this earth, morbidly obese and sad.  You may want to grab some tissues.  I started gaining weight at the age of 8.  Why 8?  My whole world changed.  I was molested.  I wasn't just molested by one person but several.  I believe at those exact moments, my life changed.  I was no longer the person I was meant to be.  I became someone different.  I didn't realize it then but I became a "shell" of a person.  I was lost, confused, hurt and angry.  I reached out for help, only to receive none.  Do you know how much courage it takes for an eight year old to spill an ugly dark secret?  Tons.  My childhood wasn't an easy one.  I was an easy target to get picked on.  I spent years being teased because of my weight.  Kids can be very cruel.  I know from first hand experience.  I never got teased by just one person it was always a certain group.  I tried to avoid them but that was nearly impossible.  The comments that I heard on a daily basis shaped the thoughts I had about myself.  They weren't pretty thoughts, either.  I wore my weight like a coat to protect myself.  Every year gaining more weight and sitting on the sidelines of life.  The list of things I've never experienced have slowly added up.  I've never been to prom.  I've never been asked to a school dance and never went to one.  I've never had a guy come up and ask me out on a date.  I've never had a serious boyfriend, even as an adult.  The one thing I cannot wait to experience is falling in love.  Layer by layer I feel completely exposed but the truth is freeing. 

My lowest point in life came in January of 2010.  I had let my weight get so out of control that I tipped the scales at 410 pounds.  You can pick your jaw up.  I remember reading that number at the doctor's office and trying hard not to burst into tears.  I left embarrassed.  I cried in my car and kept thinking that I was slowly killing myself.  I still didn't get it though.  I wanted fast fixes, something to magically make me lose weight.  I would start a diet on Monday and would be off it by Wednesday.  I had no willpower, no self control and very little patience.  I never saw anything through.  I didn't believe in myself, I didn't love myself.  I've spent years battling my weight.  I never gave my body or myself a chance to change.  I just thought I was destined to be the "fat" girl. 

In February of 2010 my twin sister, Lisa, had Gastric Bypass Surgery.  She will post her story soon.  I was jealous.  The green eyed monster was raging inside me.  I knew she was unhappy with her weight and on February 8th she took her life back.  I began to see her change physically and emotionally.  I knew it was the start of something wonderful for us both.

I was able to witness others seeing Lisa the way I had always seen her, beautiful.  I couldn't believe that I ever worried that she would stop loving me because I was fat and she was thin.  I started going to the YMCA with her and walking. I will never forget getting on the treadmill setting it at 1.0 mph, walking for a quarter of a mile and being completely worn out.  Lisa reminded me that tomorrow I was going back and that I could either walk further or faster.  She was my biggest cheerleader then and always will be.  By April of 2010 I was down to 386 but struggled with losing.  I wanted to quit but I didn't.  I kept at it.  In August I did something daring and tried out for The Biggest Loser Season 10.  I made 2 new friends in the audition line Terrill and Mitchette. I wasn't picked, obviously.  It was still fun to try out.  I vowed to myself on the car ride home that I was NOT going to give up.  I started checking out The University of Missouri Bariatrics Clinic to see if I was a candidate for weight loss surgery. I wasn't.  I was "too fat" for weight loss surgery.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The Doctor informed me that my bmi was too high and I was considered to much of a risk for surgery.  He told me to keep losing weight and checking in with them.  I felt defeated.  I felt like no matter how hard I tried nothing was going my way.  The old Leslie would have thrown in the towel but I figured when it was meant to happen for me it would.  I'm not one to talk about God but I turned to him.  I started praying.  God brought two blessings in the form of man into my life.  One was Bryan Beanland and the other was Ben Davis.  You'll learn more about these fabulous guys in this blog.  God is indeed good.

On March 08, 2011 I was given a new lease on life.  I had Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Weight Loss Surgery is a personal choice.  YOU have to decide what is best for YOU and your situation.  I believe this surgery saved my life.  I view Gastric Bypass Surgery as a "tool" in your tool belt.  I knew it would be the start of my new life.  I feel blessed and still do.  2011 was a year of dramatic CHANGE for me.  I grew so much as a person inside and out.  I feel like I'm finally living the life I've always dreamt about.

 ♥ leslie