Leslie's Story

Hi!  I'm Leslie.  I'm not even sure where to begin.  I will be the first to admit that my mind is spastic and random but I embrace it.  I think it adds to my charm.  This blog was created in hopes that you too, will begin living your life inspired, as I have started to do.  My story is a very personal one.  So, I'm standing here with my heart open wide and ready.  I'm ready to share all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I've spent the majority of my 35 years on this earth, morbidly obese and sad.  You may want to grab some tissues.  I started gaining weight at the age of 8.  Why 8?  My whole world changed.  I was molested.  I wasn't just molested by one person but several.  I believe at those exact moments, my life changed.  I was no longer the person I was meant to be.  I became someone different.  I didn't realize it then but I became a "shell" of a person.  I was lost, confused, hurt and angry.  I reached out for help, only to receive none.  Do you know how much courage it takes for an eight year old to spill an ugly dark secret?  Tons.  My childhood wasn't an easy one.  I was an easy target to get picked on.  I spent years being teased because of my weight.  Kids can be very cruel.  I know from first hand experience.  I never got teased by just one person it was always a certain group.  I tried to avoid them but that was nearly impossible.  The comments that I heard on a daily basis shaped the thoughts I had about myself.  They weren't pretty thoughts, either.  I wore my weight like a coat to protect myself.  Every year gaining more weight and sitting on the sidelines of life.  The list of things I've never experienced have slowly added up.  I've never been to prom.  I've never been asked to a school dance and never went to one.  I've never had a guy come up and ask me out on a date.  I've never had a serious boyfriend, even as an adult.  The one thing I cannot wait to experience is falling in love.  Layer by layer I feel completely exposed but the truth is freeing. 

My lowest point in life came in January of 2010.  I had let my weight get so out of control that I tipped the scales at 410 pounds.  You can pick your jaw up.  I remember reading that number at the doctor's office and trying hard not to burst into tears.  I left embarrassed.  I cried in my car and kept thinking that I was slowly killing myself.  I still didn't get it though.  I wanted fast fixes, something to magically make me lose weight.  I would start a diet on Monday and would be off it by Wednesday.  I had no willpower, no self control and very little patience.  I never saw anything through.  I didn't believe in myself, I didn't love myself.  I've spent years battling my weight.  I never gave my body or myself a chance to change.  I just thought I was destined to be the "fat" girl. 

In February of 2010 my twin sister, Lisa, had Gastric Bypass Surgery.  She will post her story soon.  I was jealous.  The green eyed monster was raging inside me.  I knew she was unhappy with her weight and on February 8th she took her life back.  I began to see her change physically and emotionally.  I knew it was the start of something wonderful for us both.

I was able to witness others seeing Lisa the way I had always seen her, beautiful.  I couldn't believe that I ever worried that she would stop loving me because I was fat and she was thin.  I started going to the YMCA with her and walking. I will never forget getting on the treadmill setting it at 1.0 mph, walking for a quarter of a mile and being completely worn out.  Lisa reminded me that tomorrow I was going back and that I could either walk further or faster.  She was my biggest cheerleader then and always will be.  By April of 2010 I was down to 386 but struggled with losing.  I wanted to quit but I didn't.  I kept at it.  In August I did something daring and tried out for The Biggest Loser Season 10.  I made 2 new friends in the audition line Terrill and Mitchette. I wasn't picked, obviously.  It was still fun to try out.  I vowed to myself on the car ride home that I was NOT going to give up.  I started checking out The University of Missouri Bariatrics Clinic to see if I was a candidate for weight loss surgery. I wasn't.  I was "too fat" for weight loss surgery.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The Doctor informed me that my bmi was too high and I was considered to much of a risk for surgery.  He told me to keep losing weight and checking in with them.  I felt defeated.  I felt like no matter how hard I tried nothing was going my way.  The old Leslie would have thrown in the towel but I figured when it was meant to happen for me it would.  I'm not one to talk about God but I turned to him.  I started praying.  God brought two blessings in the form of man into my life.  One was Bryan Beanland and the other was Ben Davis.  You'll learn more about these fabulous guys in this blog.  God is indeed good.

On March 08, 2011 I was given a new lease on life.  I had Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Weight Loss Surgery is a personal choice.  YOU have to decide what is best for YOU and your situation.  I believe this surgery saved my life.  I view Gastric Bypass Surgery as a "tool" in your tool belt.  I knew it would be the start of my new life.  I feel blessed and still do.  2011 was a year of dramatic CHANGE for me.  I grew so much as a person inside and out.  I feel like I'm finally living the life I've always dreamt about.

 ♥ leslie